Homesickness

I haven't been back in Shetland in eight months nearly, and this bothers me.

See, yes, those of you who know me know that I'm always complaining about how awful living on the island is. It wasn't always like that. When I was a kid I liked living there. It was nice to live somewhere that seemed relatively quiet. Plus, younger me wasn't too big on having wild nights out - partially because I didn't identify with those who were. My ideal weekend was spent with my granny, playing Scrabble and eating jam sandwiches. Might sound boring to you, but it wasn't - and still isn't - to me.

Then came the big move to Glasgow, when I gained my place at one of the main unis in the city (I've been here before, I know). I didn't cope with the new surroundings at first. I drove my first year flatmates up the wall, always getting stroppy and being homesick. I remember the relief of the five weeks' holiday I got that year.

A few things changed over the two summers I was at home while being at uni. In the first summer, a lot of changes occurred in my personal life. I won't go into them, because I still feel sort of angry and hurt over everything that happened. But as time went on, I found myself far preferring my adopted hometown, the general company I keep there, and...well, need I say more? I got bored easily with the island. I still liked going to my granny's, and it was nice to get a bit of peace and quiet sometimes. But I felt trapped living at home, and things just never seemed to change where I lived. The same folk I'd gone to school with drank in the pubs with the same folk they'd always drank in the pubs with, every weekend. Again, nothing changed. I couldn't live like that, live with that repetition.

At the same time, though, I still maintain that there are things I miss about the place. I miss decent chicken suppers. I miss the fresh sea air - even now I still get a hankering to walk around the pier in Lerwick and just inhale it. I'm miles away from sea down here - I suppose when / if the weather improves I'll just have to sojourn out to Largs or somewhere like that for a day and take it in. But it won't be the same.

Plus - sometimes it does a body good to be a little bit cut off from everything. I guess going home and being cut off from civilisation does keep my relationship with the city fresh. But at the same time, I kind of miss being home for a few reasons. I hope I can book a trip sometime soon.

Hitting a Wall

It's a pain in the arse.

Yeah, that's two ideas for shorter stories I was writing that I'm having huge issues with. One was an idea I was happy with for ages, which I started the first draft of, then got bored with that and started the second draft. I'm trying to get draft two to go somewhere and I've hit a wall.

The other story...well, I've not quite gotten that one committed to paper of any kind yet. The issue I'm having is that I just don't think I quite know how to open it. One of those occasions when I can get the rest of it thought out, just not the beginning.

That said, writing things out in notebooks before committing them to computer is helping me actually sift out the shite - I think, anyway. It may be that old primary school mentality. My primary school started using computers when I was in about P5/6. From then on, when we came up with assignments, we had the 'rough copy', usually written in pencil, and then the 'good copy', written either with our favourite pen in our best handwriting, or on the computer (usually the latter, because we still got excited about that kind of thing). I know, I'm in my early twenties and harking back to primary school, but it's been working for me so far.

It would probably also help if I stopped writing a blog about it and actually tried to work out ways to sort it...but venting is one of the early steps.

In other news...the launch party went well.

Purpose, It's That Little Flame That Lights A Fire Under Your Ass

Good ol' Avenue Q, eh? :)

Anywomb...

I've finally finished the training for my paid job, and when we sat the assessment (after some extensive revision to refresh the old memories, I should add) I passed with 99% :D Now for Real Shifts. I had my first one today - an early at a quieter one. I am, however, off for two days.

Tomorrow night - at the time of writing this, you lot on FB will get this much later I assume - is the launch party for the short story anthology released by the publishing company I'm working for. I've never been to a launch party before, and I'm very excited about it.

Also, know how I'm always whinging about how I've not had a decent novel idea for a while? Well, just lately it's all been short stories, but to be honest, rather those than nothing at all. Plus, given the upheaval I've gone through in the last few months - graduation, moving and having to move again fairly soon (should get me finger out with sorting some viewings, dear oh dear :/) and getting work to keep me fed, watered and well read - shorter stuff is all I've really felt at all able to write lately. And I should be a little more thankful for that. Not to mention, since leaving uni and not being forced to think I find the ideas have come to me much easier than they used to. Uni conditions you to an extent, plus CW is hard to mark - it's mainly the opinion of your tutor at the end of the day, and if your tutor that year / semester likes your stuff, awesome, if not, you're fucked. I am still in two minds about whether to bother applying for a CW Masters on those grounds - maybe by the time next year comes around, I'll like so much being my own agent that I won't want to go back to pleasing other people like that. At the same time, though, being in a non-academic environment could mean I end up producing some of the best stuff I've ever written for my portfolio, possibly being accepted on those grounds (keep the fingers tightly crossed...) and then writing a load of utter shit when I actually entered the course.

Hmmmm...what to do? It could all turn out alright...then again, maybe not.

Redrafts Drive Me Daft.

Pardon the bad pun, ladies and gents. :)

So, as I said on Saturday, I'm finally redrafting that short story I started a few weeks back. It's not a good idea to be doing it just now if I'm honest, because I'm supposed to be up for work in five hours. But it already feels like I'm getting somewhere, like I'm finally able to cut out the crap and tell a coherent story.

See, as I've vocalised on here plenty of times before, I actually hate writing short stories. Well, I did anyway. To me, short stories were an academic thing and my intention in life was always to write novels. It still is. But for some reason, I'm still firing blanks with a lot of long ideas. I've apparently improved as a writer - says the CW tutor I grew to trust the most during my four years at uni - but whenever I wrote a short story I never bothered redrafting it, because I'd never use it again. But I'm redrafting this one. The thing is, I'm actually liking writing it. It's an idea I'm passionate about, the first I've had for ages. Plus, I've hardly written a word in the last couple of months - I've been so busy with starting two new jobs, plus graduating, plus getting all this excess reading done. Keep in mind that some of the books I've been on lately (current: 'Midnight's Children' by Salman Rushdie. Next up: 'The Devil Wears Prada' by Lauren Weisberger) are ones I collected as far back as late 2008 / early 2009 and really should be read by now. At the same time, though, I've noticed that during periods of doing extensive reading, I do very little writing and vice versa. Well, again, now that I'm not at uni I'm going to need to get back into all that stuff properly. It'll be nice not to have someone putting a grade on what I write for a change.

What Hannah Did Next

So yeah, I graduated.

I'm aware I've not said an awful lot about the ceremony. Well, there ended up not being a hell of a lot to say about it, frankly. I got a tap on the head with a velour 'cap' and a hood-that-wasn't-actually-a-hood put around my neck. This apparently now makes me a Graduate. The reception wasn't up to much if I'm honest, considering I and a number of my other peers paid an extra £15 to graduate in person. There were no post-ceremony nibbles, only two drinks options - apple juice and Buck's Fizz (the latter of which I swear contained orange squash - WTF?!), and I ended up spending it milling about looking for folk. I'm sad I didn't get to speak to everyone :( It improved later though, with the food.

Apart from that, I've just been working. Being in yet another customer service job has rekindled my hatred for the general public. That said, it's one of the best jobs I've had in terms of the people I work with, and I like not having to think about when my next essay's due in, and not having to analyse the book I'm reading that week (at the time of writing this, it's 'Screen Burn' by Charlie Brooker, to be followed by 'Midnight's Children' by Salman Rushdie. Who says my tastes aren't eclectic?). I imagine there's probably a few disgruntled folk from back home utterly scandalised that I don't want to return and get a graduate placement with the council. Frankly, if I'm honest, I'd hate that. I think about the only relevance it would bear to my future career would be possible office experience. Not to mention, most folk who take those placements tend to get sucked in to staying there permanently - again, I'd hate that. Seriously, those people could pay me in books and I still wouldn't work for them.

On another note, I haven't done much writing since becoming employed. I need to get my finger out. I was working on another short story that I got genuinely excited about (odd that, I've been trying to save my excitement for a new novel plan) but the new job just got in the way, like it does. I'm away out for a friend's 21st tonight, but tomorrow, in between trying to do more reading, I'll work more on that story, then redraft it, then try and show it to everyone else I know in the hope of some constructive criticism. Maybe I could get my colleagues at the publisher to look at it...:)

A Farewell to Academia, Part 6: Graduation Maths Again

Last time I was on this here subject, I had the following figures to hand:

Graduation ceremony - £35
Grad ball ticket - £45
Robe hire - £25
Fake parchment thingy for photos - £12.
Photos themselves - £58 for a full standard graduation set
Delivery of photographs to Ma's abode - £5

Total cost thus far = £180

It's since racked up somewhat. As follows:

Grad ball photos - £8 or thereabouts. If I'm honest, I'm not wholly impressed with how they turned out. Of the five photos I bought, I had two headshots and three whole ones of me standing on the balcony. The latter three were a bit dark - obviously the woman taking the pics couldn't handle the Oran Mor mural (painted by the superb Alasdair Gray) with its base colour of dark blue. I'd have sent them back, but I wasn't told who to actually send them to, plus I'd already told the family they were getting them.
Dress for ceremony - £65 including shipping. Wish I'd bought the one which was £10 cheaper but my mother would have sent me home to change at the last minute.
Haircut - last time I got a proper cut and colour with my hairdresser it was £62 (which I paid for with Christmas money, by the way). I'm going to hope it might be about the same this time. It's always worth that, though.

This now bumps the cost up to £335. Keep in mind that we'll be going out for food on the day, plus I might end up out with everyone later on, not to mention that my mam and sister will have travel expenses to pay (they're on the boat then presumably the bus or train). Between the two of us it'll probably nearly end up at £500. And what for? A bit of paper that says I am fully qualified to read and write. Yeah, was kind of able to do that from the age of about five, thanks. I am at least still working the internship that will hopefully get my foot in the door with a career, but have also had to take a job that will pay the bills for the time being and that I don't even know if I have it permanently (my supervisor at training hinted that it might end up being extended beyond Sept, but saying that I bet I've jinxed it for myself).

Ah well - it all happens on Monday. I'd say I can't wait, but...

Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want

So...for just now, things are sort of working out.

I had my first induction day for my shiny new job today. I have four shifts this week, and four next week and the week after, so I'm getting a fair bit of money next month at least :D Like I say, only having casual / temporary work is a pain, but hopefully it'll all work out somehow. Plus...I like money, and having it regularly, and not being on the dole :) Although I'm still having a few uniform issues.

I tried recently to read the last 'Twilight' novel and was put off by its utter shitness. I know my friends with sense reading this will shake their heads at me. 'What did you expect, foolish child?' I can hear them cry now. Well, yes, I concede, it's a poor conclusion to what could well be considered a poor series written as a fantasy for teens. I won't deny, I actually thought the first two books...weren't bad. But the third one wasn't all that engaging. The last one was worse, I got bored about 500 pages in and threw it aside in a rage. Then I moved on to re-reading 'Sense and Sensibility', which I've been meaning to do since I tried to read it for study in second year. It was a much better book. Now I'm reading 'The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo' by Stieg Larsson. Yes, I'm somewhat late hopping on this old bandwagon, but so far I like it - fast paced yet subtle stuff.

Finally...graduation. Still kind of having mixed / ambivalent feelings about this old thing. But I have bought myself a mose awesome dress to wear to it :D Just need to get my hair done now...still not sure what to do when I've graduated. I'm going to apply for a CW Masters anyway - having a year out will help me hone my portfolio to be the best it can be, and also earn a bit to fund my way. If that doesn't work out...I'll renew my passport, save up some more money and go to Japan again to teach English, if only so I can go back to that awesome place again.