I know it's early yet, but this time last year I had a lot of plans for the year coming - two weddings, Folk Festival, Tom Petty (:D) and some other stuff. Now at this time, I currently have little if anything on the agenda.
I have, however, kept one new year's resolution, which was to finally replace my licence and sort driving lessons. Said lessons have yet to actually be booked - that will have to wait till next month - but I finally feel I'm making some headway on this front. I'm just hoping I don't make an arse of it.
But yeah - next year I have no plans.
Photo by Chris Scott
Tuesday, 18 September 2012
Tuesday, 4 September 2012
Cancer is Cruel
So a mere couple of weeks after going back to Glasgow, following my summer holidays, I'm back in Shetland again. Not entirely by choice, and certainly not in good circumstances.
My lovely granddad, Peter - well, not biologically but certainly in every other way for as long as I remember - had been suffering from hip pains when I left. On Tuesday, less than a week after I'd left, he was in Aberdeen Royal Infirmary, having been diagnosed with lung cancer which had spread to his bones. The doctors hoped they could treat it, but it was clear from the outset that this would only be to slow it rather than cure it. However, on Saturday morning my mam phoned me at work to tell me he'd taken a bad turn in the night and passed away. He was 61.
As you can imagine, my heart is utterly broken. He'd been a huge part of my life for as long as I can remember, having married my granny when I was a toddler and the two of them being together until her death in 2001, and even after his eventual remarriage last year. And now I've started this entry yet still don't feel I can say everything I want to.
I've been in Shetland since Friday and the funeral was Saturday, and tomorrow I'll be back to Glasgow and trying to adjust to the fact that I'll never see him again.
My lovely granddad, Peter - well, not biologically but certainly in every other way for as long as I remember - had been suffering from hip pains when I left. On Tuesday, less than a week after I'd left, he was in Aberdeen Royal Infirmary, having been diagnosed with lung cancer which had spread to his bones. The doctors hoped they could treat it, but it was clear from the outset that this would only be to slow it rather than cure it. However, on Saturday morning my mam phoned me at work to tell me he'd taken a bad turn in the night and passed away. He was 61.
As you can imagine, my heart is utterly broken. He'd been a huge part of my life for as long as I can remember, having married my granny when I was a toddler and the two of them being together until her death in 2001, and even after his eventual remarriage last year. And now I've started this entry yet still don't feel I can say everything I want to.
I've been in Shetland since Friday and the funeral was Saturday, and tomorrow I'll be back to Glasgow and trying to adjust to the fact that I'll never see him again.
Friday, 17 August 2012
Things to look forward to
Too often lately I've found myself in the depths of despair for no apparent reason other than it just being how it is.
I think a lot of it's due to physical exhaustion more than anything else, but I guess I'm just unhappy with a lot of life in general. As I've said to so many people on so many occasions, I didn't spend four years at university to do a menial job like the one I'm currently in. I'm also spending too much time alone, and what doesn't help is that so many people in my life are leaving for newer pastures. I find myself wondering if perhaps I should join them.
There's also been a long point of having little to look forward to. Now that the Tom Petty gig has been and gone, and both the weddings / trips home have been and gone, it's back to the grind for now. Back to being alone with my thoughts, dreams and physical possessions, back to working that shit menial job in order to survive, back to life, back to reality. Nothing concrete.
Therefore, I've decided - it's high time I try and get driving lessons.
At seventeen I was so excited that I was finally old enough to learn to drive. I bounded down to my local post office, collected my form and filled it out. Sure enough, that little mint green card with embossed gold DVLA holograms across it turned up in the post a day or so before my actual birthday, complete with one of the nicer passport photos taken of me over the years and along with its paper counterpart.
However, my parents never got round to putting me on the insurance until nearly 10 months later - by which time I was concentrating on finishing my final year of high school, saving what little money I had for university (although I wasn't entirely sure if I was going by that stage) and just generally not thinking of driving lessons at all. The little green card sat in my wallet for most of that time and was eventually used as ID for buying alcohol when I hit my 18th birthday (it was less bulky to carry around than my passport), eventually being overshadowed for this purpose by my student card (unless in the event of buying alcohol in a supermarket as a lot of them were a bit funny about student cards - then again, mine had my date of birth on it but no hologram).
As time went on, I forgot about driving. Even if I'd bothered to learn as a student I wouldn't have been able to afford to buy a car, never mind run one. During this time, the paper counterpart licence sat on the desk in mine and my sister's bedroom in my childhood home in Shetland - as it had no photo on it, I had no use for it, and because it was there I couldn't book driving lessons in Glasgow anyway. Eventually it vanished - mam and sister insist they never touched it, but if so then its disappearance is a mystery.
Then came graduation in 2010. I spent much of my time applying for work. I discovered that, to many employers - and particularly in the media industry, a lesser thing that killed my journalism dreams - prospective job candidates looked much better in pink than in green. I soon found that, when it comes to job hunts, few things are more irritating than finding a job that you tick most of the boxes for, only for the criteria to then end with '...must have full, clean drivers' licence and own transport'. Apparently telling them you're currently taking lessons can sometimes work. But given that even transportation to / from my current Paid Job is proving problematic due to the recent restructure (did I mention PLEASE SOMEONE HIRE MEEEEE) I feel it would only be sensible to learn to drive now. However, due to my paper licence being completely lost I now have to send off for a replacement - to to the tune of £20 (although this is cheaper than the £50 I was initially told it would cost). Have also decided to get my current address put on it too. As soon as this is done I will sort lessons. Been shopping around for deals, most folk seem to be recommending the AA.
Admittedly it will be probably be some time before I can afford a car, but there we have it...at least it'll look good on my CV, hey?
I think a lot of it's due to physical exhaustion more than anything else, but I guess I'm just unhappy with a lot of life in general. As I've said to so many people on so many occasions, I didn't spend four years at university to do a menial job like the one I'm currently in. I'm also spending too much time alone, and what doesn't help is that so many people in my life are leaving for newer pastures. I find myself wondering if perhaps I should join them.
There's also been a long point of having little to look forward to. Now that the Tom Petty gig has been and gone, and both the weddings / trips home have been and gone, it's back to the grind for now. Back to being alone with my thoughts, dreams and physical possessions, back to working that shit menial job in order to survive, back to life, back to reality. Nothing concrete.
Therefore, I've decided - it's high time I try and get driving lessons.
At seventeen I was so excited that I was finally old enough to learn to drive. I bounded down to my local post office, collected my form and filled it out. Sure enough, that little mint green card with embossed gold DVLA holograms across it turned up in the post a day or so before my actual birthday, complete with one of the nicer passport photos taken of me over the years and along with its paper counterpart.
However, my parents never got round to putting me on the insurance until nearly 10 months later - by which time I was concentrating on finishing my final year of high school, saving what little money I had for university (although I wasn't entirely sure if I was going by that stage) and just generally not thinking of driving lessons at all. The little green card sat in my wallet for most of that time and was eventually used as ID for buying alcohol when I hit my 18th birthday (it was less bulky to carry around than my passport), eventually being overshadowed for this purpose by my student card (unless in the event of buying alcohol in a supermarket as a lot of them were a bit funny about student cards - then again, mine had my date of birth on it but no hologram).
As time went on, I forgot about driving. Even if I'd bothered to learn as a student I wouldn't have been able to afford to buy a car, never mind run one. During this time, the paper counterpart licence sat on the desk in mine and my sister's bedroom in my childhood home in Shetland - as it had no photo on it, I had no use for it, and because it was there I couldn't book driving lessons in Glasgow anyway. Eventually it vanished - mam and sister insist they never touched it, but if so then its disappearance is a mystery.
Then came graduation in 2010. I spent much of my time applying for work. I discovered that, to many employers - and particularly in the media industry, a lesser thing that killed my journalism dreams - prospective job candidates looked much better in pink than in green. I soon found that, when it comes to job hunts, few things are more irritating than finding a job that you tick most of the boxes for, only for the criteria to then end with '...must have full, clean drivers' licence and own transport'. Apparently telling them you're currently taking lessons can sometimes work. But given that even transportation to / from my current Paid Job is proving problematic due to the recent restructure (did I mention PLEASE SOMEONE HIRE MEEEEE) I feel it would only be sensible to learn to drive now. However, due to my paper licence being completely lost I now have to send off for a replacement - to to the tune of £20 (although this is cheaper than the £50 I was initially told it would cost). Have also decided to get my current address put on it too. As soon as this is done I will sort lessons. Been shopping around for deals, most folk seem to be recommending the AA.
Admittedly it will be probably be some time before I can afford a car, but there we have it...at least it'll look good on my CV, hey?
Wednesday, 15 August 2012
On jobhunts and homesickness
At the present moment, I have decided to dinghy the possibility of a post grad.
I was on holiday at home for the last couple of weeks, and while I was there a statement arrived from the Student Loans Company. Seems the interest on my as yet unpaid loan has now raised it to the tune of nearly £14,000. This, on top of an overdraft that has yet to be paid off in full, is putting me off the prospect of getting into any more debt than I presently need. I don't think I want to wait another 23 years to have it written off. I might just need to start buying lottery tickets...hell, it might happen!
Yeah, I was at home for a family wedding, and after that I barely realised just how little time I had. And also how homesick I was at the thought of leaving. I'm feeling a little better now that I'm actually in Glasgow, but I wish my trip to the homestead could have lasted a little longer. I still don't think I'd ever go back full time, though. Maybe just for a few weeks, until I got bored. Think I'll always need to be back in the city, even if the career isn't going right.
Speaking of which - I found no less than SEVEN jobs to apply for. Seven. In the space of a fortnight. Five were in Glasgow, one in Manchester and one in London (yes, I resorted to that). I've been knocked back for one so far, have yet to hear about the rest. But you just never know...
I was on holiday at home for the last couple of weeks, and while I was there a statement arrived from the Student Loans Company. Seems the interest on my as yet unpaid loan has now raised it to the tune of nearly £14,000. This, on top of an overdraft that has yet to be paid off in full, is putting me off the prospect of getting into any more debt than I presently need. I don't think I want to wait another 23 years to have it written off. I might just need to start buying lottery tickets...hell, it might happen!
Yeah, I was at home for a family wedding, and after that I barely realised just how little time I had. And also how homesick I was at the thought of leaving. I'm feeling a little better now that I'm actually in Glasgow, but I wish my trip to the homestead could have lasted a little longer. I still don't think I'd ever go back full time, though. Maybe just for a few weeks, until I got bored. Think I'll always need to be back in the city, even if the career isn't going right.
Speaking of which - I found no less than SEVEN jobs to apply for. Seven. In the space of a fortnight. Five were in Glasgow, one in Manchester and one in London (yes, I resorted to that). I've been knocked back for one so far, have yet to hear about the rest. But you just never know...
Saturday, 16 June 2012
Weighing up a post grad
So yeah...as I've probably made pretty clear in a lot of posts on this thing, job hunting in this climate is proving particularly fruitless.
I've spent the last two years in that Paid Job, with no permanent contract, and even though there is a massive big restructure going on that's involving numerous people being demoted / promoted / taking severance pay / retiring and so forth, I've still had no hint from the management of the possibility of a permanent contract with them. Then again, it's been two years. They probably think I AM permanently employed with them. I was assured by the team leader who trained me up when I was first taken on that it was unlikely I'd ever get laid off even though I was only meant to have been there for the summer. He said he'd been employed on a temporary six month contract 12 years ago (at that point) and was now in a reasonably senior position. Seemingly that's how they do things. They didn't even do that with me. I've signed nothing with them, I'm merely on the roster and not entitled to a lot of things such as maternity pay or the same holiday entitlement as every other person there.
Needless to say, I'm getting sick of it. It would be nice to have a consistent wage, and indeed to be doing a job that's intellectually stimulating and where I'm being treated well by the management instead of messed about the whole time. It would also be nice not to dread going in for a shift every day, and to not have the constant feeling of opening myself up to so-called 'performance issues' all the time (I'm not even kidding, you can get disciplined for farting in that place if you'll pardon the expression), and finally to not get the feeling that I should have stayed at home. I'd always rather make less money to do a job I like instead of more money to do a job I hate (although if 'less money' is still enough to get by that helps too). Sounds mad, but only turning up to work for the sake of the money takes a toll on one's emotional wellbeing after a while. Or maybe I just need thicker skin.
Anyway, another thing I've been looking into lately is the option of post graduate study. But in some ways, trying to get into that is proving even worse.
See, the first hurdle I tend to fall at is that a lot of courses will not admit you with anything less than a 2:1, and I got a 2:2. Despite the huge misgivings I had about this mark when I first got it (due to apathy brought on by poor class choices), this is actually not a bad mark. In addition to my 2:2 I also do have a lot of practical experience, firstly from volunteering with the uni radio station and secondly from all the Cargo stuff. I've still had interest for interviews and whatnot, and I do hope this will eventually lead to work within a chosen sector (although I would like to avoid a move to London if possible - the rent is extortionate). However, for academic purposes very few consider it to be good enough.
Even then, the only possible subject I'd be up for is creative writing. Again, more problems:
1. The writing thing has been severely on the back burner for months now. I've had hardly any new, good ideas, and what I have had just ended up getting stymied by severe brain blockage. At one point I was even planning a sitcom about my work place (because believe me, if I repeated half the stories I bring in from work on here it would sound like a poor man's Fawlty Towers or similar), if only to keep my brain stimulated. But I need to rattle together a portfolio, and indeed a thesis, and to prove to myself that I can keep up a piece of writing and finish it. Thus I can capably complete a Masters.
2. But wait, I hear you cry. Wasn't your undergrad degree in creative writing? And if so, why do you want to go back for more of the same? Well, it's like this: note how 'creative writing' is written in lower case. Aye, it was tacked on as an afterthought to the whole course. It ended up being such a cop-out, if we hadn't had to focus on the 'journalism' (note the small 'j') on that course we'd have had time to focus on more varied types of writing. But no, didn't happen. And I feel if I did a post grad I'd have more of a chance to hone my skills.
3. What to do with it afterwards? Would it really be any more useful than the degree I have now?
I've thought also about doing linguistics, but again, not much you can do with it, and plus, there's the whole entry requirement problem for that too.
Oh well. I will read up on more of it tomorrow and apply then. Anything to get out of that job.
I've spent the last two years in that Paid Job, with no permanent contract, and even though there is a massive big restructure going on that's involving numerous people being demoted / promoted / taking severance pay / retiring and so forth, I've still had no hint from the management of the possibility of a permanent contract with them. Then again, it's been two years. They probably think I AM permanently employed with them. I was assured by the team leader who trained me up when I was first taken on that it was unlikely I'd ever get laid off even though I was only meant to have been there for the summer. He said he'd been employed on a temporary six month contract 12 years ago (at that point) and was now in a reasonably senior position. Seemingly that's how they do things. They didn't even do that with me. I've signed nothing with them, I'm merely on the roster and not entitled to a lot of things such as maternity pay or the same holiday entitlement as every other person there.
Needless to say, I'm getting sick of it. It would be nice to have a consistent wage, and indeed to be doing a job that's intellectually stimulating and where I'm being treated well by the management instead of messed about the whole time. It would also be nice not to dread going in for a shift every day, and to not have the constant feeling of opening myself up to so-called 'performance issues' all the time (I'm not even kidding, you can get disciplined for farting in that place if you'll pardon the expression), and finally to not get the feeling that I should have stayed at home. I'd always rather make less money to do a job I like instead of more money to do a job I hate (although if 'less money' is still enough to get by that helps too). Sounds mad, but only turning up to work for the sake of the money takes a toll on one's emotional wellbeing after a while. Or maybe I just need thicker skin.
Anyway, another thing I've been looking into lately is the option of post graduate study. But in some ways, trying to get into that is proving even worse.
See, the first hurdle I tend to fall at is that a lot of courses will not admit you with anything less than a 2:1, and I got a 2:2. Despite the huge misgivings I had about this mark when I first got it (due to apathy brought on by poor class choices), this is actually not a bad mark. In addition to my 2:2 I also do have a lot of practical experience, firstly from volunteering with the uni radio station and secondly from all the Cargo stuff. I've still had interest for interviews and whatnot, and I do hope this will eventually lead to work within a chosen sector (although I would like to avoid a move to London if possible - the rent is extortionate). However, for academic purposes very few consider it to be good enough.
Even then, the only possible subject I'd be up for is creative writing. Again, more problems:
1. The writing thing has been severely on the back burner for months now. I've had hardly any new, good ideas, and what I have had just ended up getting stymied by severe brain blockage. At one point I was even planning a sitcom about my work place (because believe me, if I repeated half the stories I bring in from work on here it would sound like a poor man's Fawlty Towers or similar), if only to keep my brain stimulated. But I need to rattle together a portfolio, and indeed a thesis, and to prove to myself that I can keep up a piece of writing and finish it. Thus I can capably complete a Masters.
2. But wait, I hear you cry. Wasn't your undergrad degree in creative writing? And if so, why do you want to go back for more of the same? Well, it's like this: note how 'creative writing' is written in lower case. Aye, it was tacked on as an afterthought to the whole course. It ended up being such a cop-out, if we hadn't had to focus on the 'journalism' (note the small 'j') on that course we'd have had time to focus on more varied types of writing. But no, didn't happen. And I feel if I did a post grad I'd have more of a chance to hone my skills.
3. What to do with it afterwards? Would it really be any more useful than the degree I have now?
I've thought also about doing linguistics, but again, not much you can do with it, and plus, there's the whole entry requirement problem for that too.
Oh well. I will read up on more of it tomorrow and apply then. Anything to get out of that job.
Monday, 11 June 2012
Trips Home Are Expensive
I get paid tomorrow and already my wages are more or less being spent.
After the usual expenses - rent, council tax and bills - there's the whole issue of food and getting to / from place to place (usually by train as that's the cheapest way). I'm only casually employed so I never have a set wage to make a proper monthly budget with.
This month I'm especially feeling the pinch because I'm due to head home for a friend's wedding. It's not that I don't want to go to said wedding, I very much do. But going back to Shetland is so expensive.
My usual means of travelling home is by getting a train (or, less likely, a bus - I hate them though, plus I have a railcard anyway) up to Aberdeen, which takes about 2.5 / 3 hours, followed by a 12-hour ferry from Aberdeen to Lerwick.
The ferry fares vary depending on the time of year, and are at their highest at what's considered to be 'peak' time. Obviously July - when I intend to travel home - falls under this category, because when I tried to get a rough idea of prices for booking to go home I was quoted a return fare of £120 to get a bed in a cabin. To go without said cabin is £70 cheaper. On top of this shall be a train fare, which will probably cost about £15 both ways.
Travelling by plane is dearer. I was once quoted £125 for a single flight up to Sumburgh from Glasgow. In both instances this was with islander discount applied.
I wish I knew how they get away with such daylight robbery. Oh well, slumming it home I guess. Wish me luck!
After the usual expenses - rent, council tax and bills - there's the whole issue of food and getting to / from place to place (usually by train as that's the cheapest way). I'm only casually employed so I never have a set wage to make a proper monthly budget with.
This month I'm especially feeling the pinch because I'm due to head home for a friend's wedding. It's not that I don't want to go to said wedding, I very much do. But going back to Shetland is so expensive.
My usual means of travelling home is by getting a train (or, less likely, a bus - I hate them though, plus I have a railcard anyway) up to Aberdeen, which takes about 2.5 / 3 hours, followed by a 12-hour ferry from Aberdeen to Lerwick.
The ferry fares vary depending on the time of year, and are at their highest at what's considered to be 'peak' time. Obviously July - when I intend to travel home - falls under this category, because when I tried to get a rough idea of prices for booking to go home I was quoted a return fare of £120 to get a bed in a cabin. To go without said cabin is £70 cheaper. On top of this shall be a train fare, which will probably cost about £15 both ways.
Travelling by plane is dearer. I was once quoted £125 for a single flight up to Sumburgh from Glasgow. In both instances this was with islander discount applied.
I wish I knew how they get away with such daylight robbery. Oh well, slumming it home I guess. Wish me luck!
Sunday, 10 June 2012
Some Upcoming Stuff
Cargo and Comma Press are hosting a short story reading on National Short Story day (June 20th), also the shortest night of the year. It will start at 7pm and is being held at Mono on King's Court. Full details are here.
Valve Journal are publishing their second volume later this year, and will be holding an event with tasters of what will be published in it called 'Come Dine with Valve'. Details are here.
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