Different Life

So, once again, forgotten to update.

I was back home last weekend, mainly to see Newton Faulkner but also for a long overdue visit. Not a lot happened, I just got another shock at how much older my little cousins are, got beaten by my granny at Scrabble and generally felt glad to have been there. The feelings of homesickness I had for months have subsided significantly. Here's hoping I'll get back for Christmas.

It feels weird, home. There'll never be a point when I won't go back at all. I'll always need to go back, I was born there and around 80% of my family still live there. I might even go back for good some day, but not yet. Like I say, Glasgow is becoming too much of an adventure to give up on right now.

The other thing is, I've been looking back on my childhood, and the time spent on it. I remember being at school and getting picked on. It happened in primary, but that was nothing to what I got in secondary. Most of the folk who picked on me at school don't talk to me any more - some even look right past me. Some of them are a bit nicer to me (although I'd still appreciate an apology). And there are a few, usually the ringleaders, who make a point of continuing to jibe me, but they bother me less. Obviously if they still need to behave like they did at school they must be leading very sad, unfulfilling lives, which at the end of the day is no steam off my shit. That thought reassures me more now than it ever did at school, when even the teachers barely cared (and the only lunchtime supervisor who did retired before I left). But all that...it feels like it never happened to me. I still have confidence issues, and I'm still not brilliant (but better than I was) at taking a joke at my expense, and whatever you do, don't call me Hannah Banana (I can't shake the associations that come with it). But for the most part, I'm a different person to who I was back then. All the stuff that happened, good and bad, feels like someone else's life story. There have been a few other contributing factors to this, like my parents separating three years ago, the general change of image and the higher number of friends I've made in that time. But I'm starting to think I might have buried most of the bad stuff that happened to me back then. Maybe I can move on at last.